one of the few times i can actually consider blogging and end up doing it.
i've been thinking about blogging for so long now that it feels great to finally have time to do it. i've been swamped with BA homework for the past few days and if not that, i'm doing org stuff. so i don't even really have time to think about things and process them on a relatively deeper level. as a result, most things have to be kept locked inside my head so it's not a good place to be in right now. it's a lot like my desk in my room at the moment. covered with papers from BA, anthro, and art stud - completely disorganized but still functioning. surely i can apply the economic theory of efficiency and make my workspace more, well, conducive for work, but that's just gonna have to wait.
everything i've been doing lately has been so mentally exhausting that all i want to do when i get home are activities that don't require brainpower. unfortunately, an idle mind is a devil's workshop so it ends up delaying my sleep until the wee hours of the morning. which isn't good at all if i have a 7AM class on wednesdays and fridays.
i've noticed a considerable change in my "student etiquette". i find myself being late for class now (though the fact that it bothers me is still ever present) and sleeping a lot during the boring parts in lectures. obviously, i don't want to go on this way since boring or not, these things might show up in the exam. interestingly enough, i only sleep in my math 2 and BA classes. the rest don't seem to trigger a visit from the sandman. i guess math, however easy or hard, will never inspire a sense of learning in me. tough life.
considering i only have 15 units this sem plus cwts, i should be fairly relaxed. i guess i didn't factor in the orgs i have which should be worth 9 units. it never occurred to me to think of it that way. to spend a certain amount of hours per week on each org. for now, it would have to be distributed as 4 for ABAM, 4 for AIESEC, and 1 for CAP. hmmm. looks like i have a full load this sem. gotta make sure i keep my head above water and reach that elusive status of being a univ scholar. i can do it, you know. i can work hard. i'm just as good. but it seems as if i'm not as hardworking. i irk myself with this since i have all the more motivation to succeed because i haven't reached the highest possible honors yet. when did i get so complacent?
another thing taking up my time is vivro. i don't mind it so much now since the meeting gave me a clearer idea of what "we're" trying to do here. i love that we got to talk about the theme this time around since i learned so much from listening to everyone's ideas. i'm gonna tell sam that we should keep doing it since it adds gives a greater feeling of collaboration to this project.
on a friendship note, there's this one person who i'm not feeling lately. i'm not certain if this is stemming from jealousy or from something else but i can't stand her lately. it's practically evil of me to be saying this about this really well liked person but i can't help what i feel. i guess if that's what YOU have to do to fit in, them go right ahead. you have everyone's support.
from a more objective perspective, this is probably stemming from my jealousy at how easy some people have it. people who have privileges they were born into. like accepted beauty, wealth, influential parents. these things that make people "special" and "worth getting to know" kind of sickens me. it sickens me because i don't benefit. but i'm pretty sure if i were in their position, i wouldn't give a fuck either. further underlining the fact that life is unfair.
depressing ending is depressing.
consumption function.
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