that's what it feels like. knowing that somehow, all your friends managed to be university/college scholars when you didn't. it just sucks and i'm very dissappointed with myself. gawd. i even spelled disappointed wrong. i know i posted about being all happy that i managed to pass math 17, but looking back at it now, i just wish i could have done better...studied more, you know. i may not have been born with math prowess but i could have practiced it with the intention of at least getting the hang of it. it saddens me that my laziness got in the way of possible good things for me. i hate that i can so easily talk myself into inaction. i don't understand myself anymore. it's like i have no desire to do anything yet i desire so many things. there's nothing to do now but do the best that i can for the second semester. i have to try and keep up. no. more than that, i have to be on top of things now. the first semester was hard in a lot of ways. adjusting to the new environment, meeting new people, etc. i must say that i didn't handle it as well as the others given my state now i.e. orgless, scholar-less. but i'm not friendless. i'm not loveless (family-wise that is) and i'm not happiness-less. i've learned a lot this past semester and i will do my best to apply it in the future. i don't want to fail again.
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