Backlog

09/14

Done with Math 2 exam. Completely didn't know how to answer two items.

Here at...

09/16

Here at the econ lib lobby waiting for the actual library to open its doors. I am once again killng time as my Math 2 class isn't meeting today. That means, since my Art Studies class is on research break, my next class if effectively on 11:30AM. It is 7:39AM now.

I am extemely relieved that there is around 70% of the battery left on this laptop. I didn't bring the power cord since I wasn't counting on essentially having a 4 and 1/2 hour break. I should've known. My Math 2 professor is nice enough to not hold classes the meeting after the exam. It's not a formal rule but I'm sure he's doing it on purpose to give our minds a break. All professors should be like him. Old and wise, kind and considerate. I've truly enjoyed his class. Never did I dream I would say that about a mathematics class. John Green is right (as he usually seems to be). "You don't hate math. You hate the way you've been taught math."

And now I am worried that I am draining the battery on this thing. But i can't find it in me to care since for the very first time in a long time, I am putting the thoughts swiriling in my brain to words on the screen. How long has it been since I last posted on my blog? Too long. Way too long.

It's not that I don't have time. I just don't have the energy to put into words what I'm thinking. Before, I thought it was my way of making sure I didn't have anything bottled up inside. I liked to think it made me put things into perspective. I liked to think I got as much out of it as the time and effort I put into writing on my blog. Maybe that's still true. I don't know if I'm better or worse by not blogging anymore. I don't know it it's taken anything away from me. I just know that I still think about it.

On the commute home, I think about things I can write about. Little articles with their own titles...it's all perfectly outlined in my head. But then I get home and the laziness kicks in. I find myself unable to do anything productive, whether for my personal betterment or for academic reasons. I spend the rest of my time watching television, surfing the internet for useless shit (tumblr, facebook, twitter) or... I dont't even know what takes up my time anymore. All I know is that the clock just keeps ticking while I feel powerless to do anything.

Exactly 70% on the battery now. What to do with it?

This must be what it's like to know when you'll die. Planning every moment, every second  so that it's meaningful and worthwhile. What an awful way to live. Knowing exactly how long you have left will make anyone crazy. I know it'll make me crazy.

Okay, we're veering off topic here. Point is, I have about 3 and 1/2 hours left and I should really do some research for my Art Studies report next week.

1:40 PM

Still waiting. Back here at the BA lib, waiting for my shift to man the mock interview booth to start. I am seriously not in the mood for anything today. Especially social interaction. I deliberately left the ABAM tambayan to spend time here in the library for some peace and quiet. It makes me wonder why I put isolation as my greatest fear in that Ollivander quiz on Pottermore. But then again, isolation involves shunning. Right now, I am not shunned. I choose to be alone. I do not have the energy to keep making small talk, to figure out other people's emotions. Perhaps the weather is making me cranky. It's humid today. Drizzling one moment and burning hot the next. Anyone's mood would suffer.

I was even short with Donna today. Poor girl. She doesn't deserve my foul mood.

I didn't expect to spend much of my time in college in libraries. Yet even when I'm with friends, that's where we hang out. Back in high school, spending the precious break inside a library was for nerds. No one had to go in there unless it was reading hour in english class or you had to borrow the occasional book.

09/30/2011

All of my posts seem to be coming from the library. No bother. I like it here anyways. Who needs social interaction?

I am currently getting heartsick from not being at the manning of the Mock Interview booth. There are so many of them there who aren't really doing anything so I don't see the point of forcing my company upon them. Sigh. If only I knew more people who are also in CAP. Is that yet another advantage of shifting to BAA?

Thoughts of a CAP-shirt wearing idiot.