i have got to stop feeling competitive with this one person! it's kind of driving me insane.
i'm suddenly left feeling like there's nothing special about me. whatever i can do, someone is doing better. whatever i achieve, someone has achieved more. it's no way of thinking if i don't want to spend the rest of my days curled up in a ball but sometimes the depression just hits so hard and so fast i have no way of knowing how to deal with it.
when i'm surrounded by such amazing people with amazing talents, how am i supposed to stand out? what makes me different? what makes me special? now more than ever, i can relate to rachel berry and her desire to just be good at something. to be a star in her own right. at least she has glee club. what do i have again? what can i do again? what am i good at?
the answers to these questions i've never been able to determine. which is why i'm kind of floating around right now. unsure of what i want to do with my life. i haven't found a passion. or if i have, i'm painfully blind that i've found it. times like these, i just want to go inside my brain and figure out what i'm really thinking. because i think one of the things i'm good at is fooling and deluding myself into thinking certain things.
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it's weird how i can look at someone's life and think "what do you have to complain about" when i know someone is probably looking at mine and thinking the same thing.
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