Dear God,

Tomorrow, I am submitting my BAA shifting papers along with Kim's.

This only occurred to me recently but there's a possibility that I might not get accepted into the program. Kim is almost surely in because she's gotten really high grades in accounting and i think she might be magna standing at the moment.

Whereas I am only cum laude standing and I just made the cutoff of the 2.5 required to be able to shift to BAA at all. My prospects don't look too good.

The selfish side of me thinks that "wow, she might get in because i processed her papers for her." That's evil and I know just thinking it will give me bad karma. But here's hoping karma isn't a thing for Roman Catholics.

Now that this is happening, now that I'm willing to give it a try, I find myself NOT WANTING TO FAIL. It would be really bad for my self-esteem knowing that I'm not even allowed into the program. There's an ego boost in knowing that a) it's something you don't want at all and would never even dream of considering and b) you can totally get in but you just choose not to.

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

I don't even know anymore. Leaving this one to God. Hehe sorry, God - I'm giving you such a difficult decision. Can you please choose what's best for me? Because my heart is so troubled right now. Guide me also for tomorrow that everything goes well with the papers and I'm able to contribute a lot in the vivro meeting. Thank you for everything. I still count my blessings. I do. Thank you for all of them. I hope I don't disappoint my mom or Ate Heny. I hope I have the strength to go this and get through it well. Thank you thank you thank you for everything.

Chica-lek-lek