or so it seems to me.
the cap plansem was lots of fun but i can't help but to look back and remember all the negative shit that happened. i guess it all began last night when the planning part was finally over and the "fun" part kicked in. i guess i'm not really good with the fun stuff because it all went downhill from there.
perhaps a list would be helpful?
- having bea j pour us beer. i don't even like beer and yet i drank about a third of a bottle.
- making 4 mistakes during the drinking game and taking all the 4 consequence shots.
- not "shining" or "standing out" during the games planned by internals or even the drinking games.
- failing at diving for the ten 1-peso coins in the pool. di talaga ako marunong sumisid. sobrang fail.
- generally having a really pretty friend who people just notice all on their own.
i know it's not a competition. but it seems like i'm losing. it's getting harder and harder to deal with wanting them to accept me for who i am. i just need to understand that it's okay if they don't know all awesome parts of me. but it gets pretty demoralizing when other people don't even have to try. people are inclined to find out all the awesome parts about them.
i can relate this again to just feeling like i'm good at something. feeling like i have a niche that people respect me for. it's superficial, it's petty but i can't help how i feel.
is it wrong to want to belong? is it wrong to want to be accepted? is it wrong to feel jealousy over things i can't work on? is it wrong to not be beautiful?
if having fun makes me feel all of these things...can we please just go back to the work?
at least i know whatever i do can speak for itself.
but alas, if i have a hard time relating to people, i think i'm in the wrong course.
No comments:
Post a Comment